Boundaries: The Distance Between Loving You and Me Simultaneously

Title: Boundaries: The Distance Between Loving You and Me Simultaneously | S2 E16 - Divine Style Podcast

Hosted by: Gerlinda Stella - Psychic Medium, Energy Healer & Self-Love Coach

Episode Overview:

Boundaries are vital for maintaining our integrity, protecting our well-being, and fostering healthy relationships. In this episode, we'll explore:

• The Meaning of Boundaries: Understanding what boundaries are and why they are crucial for a balanced life.
• Types of Boundaries: Differentiating between personal, physical, and spiritual boundaries.
• Practical Tips: How to set and maintain healthy boundaries in various aspects of your life.
• Personal Stories: I share my own experiences and challenges with setting boundaries, and how I've learned to assert myself over the years.
• Guided Visualisation: Towards the end of the episode, join me for a powerful visualisation exercise designed to help you reinforce your boundaries and protect your energy.

Whether you've struggled with saying no, felt obligated to please others, or experienced boundary violations, this episode is for you. Learn how to honour yourself, respect your needs, and create harmonious relationships.

Highlights:

• "Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously."
• The power of the pause and the importance of saying no.
• Setting boundaries in the spiritual space to maintain positive energy.
• Visualisation exercise to strengthen and protect your boundaries.

Tune in, and let's embark on this journey together towards self-love and empowerment. Don't forget to leave a review if you enjoyed the episode—your feedback helps us spread the word about self-love, spirituality, and self-discovery.

Your host, Gerlinda, is a Psychic Medium and Intuitive Life Coach on a quest to uncover the essence of self-love, spirituality, and consciousness. She empowers women to awaken their divinity and deepen their intuition. Join her transformative journey towards self-discovery and spiritual enlightenment.

Stay connected with the Divine Style community and reach out to our host Gerlinda Stella:
www.gerlinda.com.au
www.facebook.com/GerlindaStella
www.instagram.com/gerlindastella

*We began this journey alongside Alison Maiden, Psychic Medium and Metaphysical Teacher, who has now moved on to exciting new ventures. We are grateful for Alison's invaluable insights and contributions to our episodes. www.alisonmaiden.com

Transcript

0:00
Hello, beautiful souls. Today we are exploring the topic of boundaries, what they are, and how you can set them. I was sent the most beautiful quote from a friend: "Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously." Welcome to The Divine Style. I'm your host, Gerlinda. I'm a psychic medium, self-love coach, and energy healer, and I am excited to explore the topic of boundaries with you today. Towards the end of the episode, we have a visualisation, so please do not drive or operate heavy machinery for that. What I find really fascinating about the topic of boundaries is how much I have struggled with them over my entire life, from not being able to say no, and when I've said yes, I really haven't meant yes; at times I've actually meant no.

0:58
And I can go into all the different reasons that this occurs, and there is a psychological component with our belief system that, you know, potentially, it was from the fact that my parents said, "You can't say no to me, don't say no to me." That's rude and disrespectful. And as much as our parents want to be good parents, sometimes even myself as a parent, I have totally said the wrong thing, and I'm still apologising for it today with my kids. But boundaries are something that is so important to be able to function in this world with integrity and honesty and working with who you are as a person.

1:41
If you don't have boundaries, then really you're at the whim of everybody else's wants and needs and desires, and there are differing levels of this. It's really up to you as an individual what boundaries you are setting for your interactions with others. There's a philosophy that says that all problems are interpersonal problems, and if you were alone in the universe, well, you probably wouldn't have to worry about most of the problems that you have, but it's usually about the engagements that we have with others. I really want you to think about the people that you are surrounding yourself with, and think about whether they are honouring your boundaries, and do they even know what your boundaries are? Have you ever asserted your boundaries?

2:38
I know for myself, when I think of my family, I think that's sometimes the hardest one to really stand up to, because they have a way of making you feel guilty or manipulating a situation, especially if it's somebody that you genuinely love and care for. When they're begging and saying, "I really, really, really, really need you to do this thing," it can feel impossible to say no, especially if you see someone in need. As empaths, as humans, we are empathic and we care about our fellow man and woman. So it makes sense that when you see somebody in need, you want to help them, but it has to be within your capacity. So I guess when it comes to boundaries, I want to talk about sort of three separate aspects of that. One is where you're being asked to do things that you don't want to do. Another is where your physical boundaries are being crossed. So this could be getting hugs when you don't want to hug. And then also, I want to talk about spiritual boundaries, or soul boundaries, because this is really important if you are doing any spiritual work, and it really helps you to acknowledge who you are and who the other beings are that you're working with, because we need to have that discernment about who people are and also what we're willing and not willing to put up with. Boundaries are based on your values and your belief systems, and different families and different groups will have different ways that they behave that are acceptable for some and not acceptable for others. This is where it really comes down to knowing yourself and what's acceptable for you. So let's say that you have a friend who maybe has a lot of problems or issues, and they call you a lot. Instead of you doing the things that you want to do, like taking a bubble bath or going to the gym or for a walk, you end up stuck on the phone to this friend, and you don't know how to get out of it. So I think these questions start to come down to why we are doing the behaviours that we're doing, what it is that we want, and then how we work towards that goal of what we want. So it could be, to start with, that you might just limit the time frame with this friend. So it could be that you might set a timer and say, "I'm so sorry. I've only got 15 minutes today." Actually, that's the other thing. Hear me and my boundaries are already breaking. You do not have to apologise for putting a boundary in place. So it would be, "I only have 15 minutes today. Thank you for understanding." On social media, it's been quite disturbing to see how many people have been getting unwanted physical touch, like forcing a kiss on someone or giving them a hug when they don't want one. I know myself. I am a hugger, and if you ever meet me in person, you will know that I will always offer a hug, but I will ask first. I've learnt that it's really important to respect other people and their wants and needs too. If you are working in a spiritual space, you will also have come across how important it is to have boundaries in place from an energetic level as well. So whether that's talking to spirit or working with other people's energy systems, you need to have boundaries; otherwise, you can be absorbing things as an empath, as we know most of humanity are empaths. We feel into other people's feelings to differing degrees. So if you are one of those people who can really tune in and feel someone else's suffering, like myself, you tend to let things slide because you want to make the other person feel better, instead of stepping into your personal power, honouring yourself and your desires, and saying no. How do we put boundaries in place? I believe in the power of the pause, and so if I'm asked to do something, and I don't have a resounding yes straight away, I will ask for some time. So I usually say, "I'll get back to you," or "Let me check my calendar." This gives me a little bit of space, especially if you're being asked to do something you don't want to do. Then I can come back and say no. One of the important things that I have learnt around boundaries is that ability to just say no without it being "I'm sorry" or making up an excuse. You can simply say no. I think it's nice, as a human being, to say "I'm sorry I can't make it" or "I'm too busy" or whatever it might be, but you can simply say, "Oh yeah, no, I can't make it." It's totally fine. You don't have to give a long list of reasons. When it comes to people invading your physical space, this could be unwanted physical contact or advances from people you don't like. My daughters have been so phenomenal. I know I was taught not to be rude and to be more softly spoken and all those sorts of things growing up. I know that I've been out with both my daughters; my youngest is 20 and my oldest is 23 now, and the way that they will stare down people or actually push back if somebody tries to touch them, I am just in awe of these young women these days stopping those hands from coming on them when they don't want them to. I know for myself, once I was in Japan, and I was walking through a touristy spot, and this gentleman came up and grabbed me—I'll say gentleman. He was not a gentleman. This man came up and grabbed me on the backside, and my husband was standing next to me, and he didn't realise what had happened, but I chased this guy down. Was I going to catch him? I don't know what I was going to do if I caught him, but I chased him. I felt so violated. I was so angry because my physical boundary had been totally, totally broken down. So I think it's really important that you realise that you have autonomy. You have the ability to say no, you have the ability to speak up, and you don't have to put up with behaviours that you do not like. Lastly, when it comes to the spiritual space, I say this with the biggest smile on my face because I really have the pleasure of working with some incredible spirits and people from the other side when they cross over. I have had pretty much the majority of my experiences in this space be overwhelmingly positive, but there are occasions where people do want to push boundaries with me once I go home. I often have, when I've done mediumship readings, loved ones who are just so passionate and so excited about being there and wanting to share information. Sometimes, after my client has left, they'll continue talking to me because they want to share more information. I usually say to them, "You've got to go and try and give that information to them another way. Now our session is done." Working with spirit has really taught me to have better boundaries. It's really about being able to say, "This is my intention for this engagement or this interaction, and this is what I'm willing to accept, and this is what I'm not willing to accept." The people in my life who really like to overstep my boundaries, I basically treat them like children. It sounds really patronising, I know, but I usually say to them, "Hey." First off, I need to let them know the behaviour, so I'll acknowledge the behaviour. "When you talk to me in that tone of voice, or when you talk to me about that specific topic, it makes me uncomfortable. If you continue to talk to me about that topic, I'm going to hang up the phone or walk away."

 And then I follow through with that, because just like children, they will try to push your boundaries. Some people don't want to be manipulative, and some people do, and that's just human nature. We're out to get the thing that we want, and often, people will use other people to get their needs met. First and foremost, you need to look after yourself. You need to focus on what it is that you want and also how you want your relationships to be. This is where the magic lies when we stop blaming others, stop blaming ourselves, stop blaming the situation, and begin taking responsibility. The visualisation I am going to take you through is something that I have done since I was a little girl. My mum has done this, and it works for all types of boundaries, whether they are physical, emotional, or spiritual, and it allows you to really come into yourself, to know that the I Am Presence, that you are, that nothing can interfere with it, and everything else is like a filter. When we talk about things being a mirror, it's looking at what it's showing up for you. This technique is one of my favourites. I use it daily. I've taught it to my children and my clients. It's something that really helps my energy field and helps me create a barrier between myself and the outside world so I can think more clearly throughout the day. It also allows me to get better messages from Spirit because I can block out all that external noise.

13:37
Take a moment to get comfortable, and we'll begin.

13:43
Take a moment to centre yourself, sitting with your feet on the ground,

13:50
taking a few deep breaths,

13:55
imagining a beautiful white light streaming down through the top of your head, out of the bottom of your feet, filling you with loving warmth and kindness.

14:15
Imagine that this light is expanding from you, creating a bubble.

14:29
This bubble of light can be any colour you choose,

14:38
and only you reside within this bubble. Within this space, you also control how large or how small the bubble is around you. Take some time to expand it now and feel what it feels like to expand that energy out,

15:12
and then feel what it feels like to contract that energy and bring it back around you.

5:31
Now bring to mind a situation or relationship where you would like to establish better boundaries.

15:46
Reflect on what you need to feel safe, respected and valued in this interaction.

15:59
Visualise these needs as another glowing colour flowing out from within you,

16:07
creating another circle, another bubble.

16:20
Imagine this boundary, shimmering and glittering, extending from you in all directions. It is firm and clear, yet flexible to allow positive interactions and energy to flow through.

16:46
Say to yourself, quietly, "I honour and respect myself by setting clear boundaries. I deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

17:05
I am worthy of love for both myself and for others."

17:18
Now from within the centre of your being,

17:25
allow yourself to feel the strength that comes from honouring your boundaries. Notice any sensations that arise as you feel more deeply connected to that inner wisdom and guidance.

17:55
Express gratitude for this opportunity to nurture yourself and strengthen your boundaries.

18:05
When you are ready, gently bring your awareness back to the present moment, breathing in deeply, wriggling your fingers and toes and slowly opening your eyes. You are free to use this technique that I've used since I was a little girl, almost magnetising whatever it is you need and repelling the energies that are not working for you. I want to say, thank you so much. Thank you so much for joining me on The Divine Style. I'm so grateful to share these insights with you. If you want to find out more about the work I do, I have created a free monthly session called Sacred Soul Sessions. If you would like to know more about those, you can join us. My gift to you is if you've enjoyed today's episode, please take the time to give it a review. Your reviews go a long way in spreading the word about self-love, spirituality, and self-discovery. Thanks again.